I hate yoga (MFP)

Most people that know me know this about me. I know that it's wonderful, but yoga and I do not get along. For one thing, I can't touch my toes. I can barely touch my knees. When I was younger, I took a weightlifting class in college. We had to do a flexibity test (along with some others) to guage where we needed help and what our strengths were and whatnot. I don't know if anyone has ever seen the thing they test flexibility on, but you sit on the the groud with your legs straight in front of you, and you have to reach out and put your fingers on buttons. They are numbered from 1 (which comes about half way between your knees and ankles) to some impossible number, at about 1/2 inch increments.

I couldn't touch 1.

The teacher had to hold the button down for me. She laughed the whole time in disbelief. I can't sit with my legs straight out in front of me. It's incredibly painful. I have never met another person as stiff as I am.

Downward facing dog? You must be crazy. You want to hear me cuss? Put me in down dog one more effin time. Tell me what a relaxing pose this is as I choke back vomit.

I did a little yoga this morning- watched some yoga on demand thing on TV. The woman on there told me to do things with my body that just aren't possible. It was beginning yoga, which is about the best I can do. I probably need to take a class, with an instrcutor who can laugh at me as I sweat and shake- and fart. Yoga makes me fart- loud. and they can twist themselves into a downward facing dodecahedron and tell me to relax my ears.

My ears? Eureka! That's my whole problem! My ears are too tense! My knee is up my nose, I can't remember how to get my hand back to where it came from- and you want me to relax my ears.