When it rains, it pours....

Okay, I'm about to let you few readers very much into my financial life:

After having made our house payment, my husband and I have $100 to our names to last us a week. We decided to use it for gas for his car- well, my car, actually, but we'd decided to just use one car to save on gas. His mom gave me $25 for some Scentsy bars and to give us a little extra cash. Good- we're up to $125

Well, low and behold, a check I wrote two weeks ago for $60 finally makes it's way to the bank. Crap. Now we're down to $65. Fair enough, we can make it. Just be careful, right?

No. Vistaprint takes their dues for my website- $35. Poo again! We're down to just $30!!!

So we got to Target to return the broken scale, and just opt to get cash ($30) instead of swapping it out. Then Gav sells some Magic cards for$30, and we're back up to $95. Only $11 of this is in our main bank account, $18 in my bank account, and the rest is on us in cash.

Well, with only $11 in the joint account, and Gav needing gas on his way to work, he was going to use the cash for gas- except he was running late, so he just used the card and got $10. Now there is ONE DOLLAR in our bank account. Well, I checked it to make sure nothing else came out- and I'm glad I checked.

A check for $20 is trying as hard as it can to go through. So, I go flying to Wal-Mart in Gavin's van (which is pretty much running on fumes) only to find my way blocked by a broken down railroad truck which is firmly jammed on the tracks, preventing me from crossing. Now, I have to go around my elbow to get to my thumb- or across town to get to a Wal-Mart that is 3 miles from my house- in a car with almost no gas. I get down to the next light, and the van begins to shake violently. Knowing that I am about to run out of gas, I cut across the lawn of the Bojangles to get into the turning lane and go to the BP station for their outrageously priced gas (I'm just glad I didn't get a ticket). The car is still shaking, and now the check engine light is on. Really? Great. BTW, at this point, I am out of minutes on my cell phone with no money to buy more. WONDERFUL!!! I did make it to Wal-Mart. I managed to get $15 worth of gas in the van, plus the $20 in the bank to keep that check from bouncing. We're waiting on some money to transfer from Paypal, and come Monday (cue Jimmy Buffett) it'll be alright- but right now... ultimate stress. I want to eat all the ice cream in the house, but I am keeping my hands busy blogging and trying to keep my mind out of the refrigerator. I'm trying to remind myself that Gavin still has some cash, and I still have some money in my account. It's just a nightmare living paycheck to paycheck. Midsummer nearly broke us, really. If we continue to have such a large event, we're going to have to charge people a little bit to come to it. I think we're going to have to make a lot of adjustments financially. My Scentsy business has come to a complete standstill, and things are just hard. Food costs more, gas costs more, it's so hot that our a/c runs all the time, and that costs more. I'm ready for this house to be paid for.

I'm also curious about the global economic collapse. I know that's going to happen- I just wonder when. I wonder where we (meaning my family personally) are going to end up because of it.

I know that seems off-topic, but I have been watching a lot of scary youtube videos about this sort of thing today.

I'm going to the gym tonight, come hell or high water. I need to work off some of this stress.

Today will be a struggle... (MFP)

Last night, I went to a birthday party for a friend, and we ended up staying out until 1030, which is very late for me at my advancing age (LOL)! I also had pizza and cake. I did well though, I ate a really big salad before we left so that my tummy would be filled with yummy fiber-y goodness, and I only had one slice of pizza and one slice of cake. On WW, the pizza was 5 points and the cake was 14, but because of all my exercise yesteday, I didn't go over points OR calories! I'm very proud of myself for that. There is plenty of temptation at the game store- they have a "gamer's kitchen" which is a cooler full of sodas, a freezer full of high-calorie frozen goodies, and an entire wall filled with other little snacky things, like chocolate and chips and such. I stayed away from those, but it was tough. For my friend's birthday, they had a Magic the Gathering draft (if you don't know what that is, you're just not nerdy enough). As nerdy as I am, I don't play Magic, so I was pretty bored. Luckily, my husband got the Pathfinder RPG books (nerd-talk again) and I spent most of my time reading those to keep my mind occupied. When we got home, I was too tied to do anything but go to bed- I didn't complete my food diary for yesterday until this morning.

Today I am still very much feeling the effects of a late night out. I am supposed to go pound pavement looking for vendors to be in my bridal show, but I think I am going to do my work from over the phone today. I have finally gotten around to changing into my daytime clothes- but it's hot out and I am feeling very unmotivated to even open my door. I know it's going to be a challenge to get to the gym today. I'm debating taking a 5 hour energy (less points than coffee- and colder) . I'm so tired, and a little achy, and it's days like these that I tend to get unmotivated and fall off the wagon, as it were. Not a particularly bad day- usually I like to pick myself up from those and make the next day something amazing. It's these blah days that kill me.

On the plus side, today is my last day of my first week of WW. I'm feeling good about having made it through a week. I'm upset about my broken scale, but I can hook the Wii Fit back up and get a reading that way.

That's all for now, maybe more later. Gotta get to work!

Awesome workout & Concern about this evening

So, I had my Couch to 5K run this morning at the Clayton Community park Another nice park with wide, paved paths to run on. It's a lot smaller than White Deer Park, but it's closer to my house and it's a lot more level. There are a few rises, but nothing too strenuous. It does seem, however, that every time I have to speed up, I am going uphill. Suckitude. So, I got home from my run, Fed Gavin his breakfast, and then we headed off to the gym. I really enjoyed working out with him. The cardio part was meh, but he doesn't like cardio. It was being on the machines that I really liked. It was nice to have him there encouraging me to make that final push when I didn't feel like I doing that extra little bit. So the workout was good. I earned 6 WW points for all my exercise :)

I am worried about tonight, though. I am going to a birthday party, and I know there will be pizza and cake, as well as lots of other tasty temptations. I'm going to be surrounded by gamers and food. I'm planning on making myself a big, delicious salad before I head out, so I'll already be full and won't be tempted to over-eat. I am going to have some pizza, and maybe a little cake. I kind of hope it's a flavor I don't like, then I won't have to worry about spending all those extra points. If I eat some cake, it's not the end of the world. I just need to pay attention to what I'm eating.

I can do this-I'm not a crackhead.

Bloat be gone... and where am I measuring?

Most of the water weight that I had gained when I first started this grand adventure seems to be dropping off. I have lost 3 pounds since yesterday, and I am sure it's all water. I am really starting to feel energized (and I should, since I slept 11 hours last night) and my skin is looking better.

The scale is broken now, and I won't say who it was, except that it wasn't me. One of the things that holds the feet on snapped, so I have to see if Target will let me return it. I might just tell them it was broken when I got it home. I didn't misuse it, it just broke.

One of my friends on MFP send me a link for how to calculate my workouts into points, which is awesome, because I earned an extra 7 points yesterday! I didn't eat them all, but it felt good to know they were there. It also helps me understand why I have been so freakin hungry. I have a beach trip coming up in a few weeks, which means going a few days without the gym, so I have to make up for it with swimming and running on the beach. I think I'll bring my kickboxing DVD and hand weights too. I don't want to let myself lapse.

Gavin's about to head to the gym with me. It'll be his first time, and I am glad to be going with him. I'm not sure how it's going to go, but I hope we can push each other and keep each other going. I want him to be around for a long time, and I hope this will help him take off some of the extra weight.

So... Where am I measuring? I have been measuring my waist around my belly button, instead of 1" below my ribcage, which is where I hear your waist is. My thing is, my fat droops below that point and pools into a little blob just above my hips. I measure around my belly button beacuse that's where I am the fattest, and that's where I want to see the most change. It's gross, and I want to be rid of it. I hope that it tightens up as I lose weight. I really don't want a flappy bag of skin hanging there. When I was thin before, when Gavin and I started dating, I didn't have a flap, but I have never been as big as I am now. I understand a little pooch. I am a girl, and I've had two babies, so I won't be too upset about a small poochy belly.

So here's a gross thought (slightly vulgar)

Going to the gym is like sex. You can do it alone, it gets the job done, but it's always more fun with a partner.

Ba-dop-ching

What this blog is about

I know I have already bombarded it with posts, but I wanted to take a moment to explain who I am and what I am doing.

I'm fat. I'm not morbidly obese or dying of weight-related illness. I am just overweight enough to be really disappointed in myself. So I am working out, doing weight watchers with my husband, and otherwise just trying to get in shape. I joined a gym for the first time in my life, and I love that place. I could stay there all day, and am sometimes tempted to try. I have discovered that I really, really enjoy working out- eating healthy is a whole 'nother animal (as we say down here in the South).

I'm a work from home mom with two boys and a fat-tastic husband. He's fantastic, and he's fat, ergo- fat-tastic. I love him very much and I want him to live a long time, so we need to get healthy. And I need to lose this baby weight. Especially since my baby (Jack) will be starting third grade next week. My older son (Patrick) will be starting middle school this year, and he is getting very health-conscious. He knows that he comes from a long line of fat people, and since his little pre-pubescent body is starting to fill out, he wants to take care of it. I admire him for wanting to do that on his own. He wants to impress the ladies too, of course.

The older boy wants to eat healthy. Yes, he enjoys junk, but he's not prone to "grazing" or eating dessert if he's full. The little one, on the other hand.... Jackson is a junk food junkie. He's super picky, and has been for the past 5 years, despite my best efforts to correct that behavior. I think he would let himself starve to death- he's that stubborn.

Eating better is going to be a challenge for everyone. My husband is a meat cutter at a grocery store, so he is surrounded by food. He also works a pretty crazy schedule, which makes it hard for him to plan meals and eat regularly. Some days, he doesn't eat all day, then comes home and gorges himself just before having to go to bed. He's a big guy, and he has been for a very long time. We have known each other for about 14 years. He was big then, he's big now. I don't ever expect him to not be big, I would just like to see a little less of him ;) Portion control is going to be a big issue.

For me- I tend to binge eat. I crave food like a crackhead. Nothing healthy, of course. I don't crave fruit or anything like that- I want pizza rolls, mac and cheese, ice cream, cake, all that junk. Going to the gym helps me fight cravings, but I can't always go to the gym. I am working on getting rid of all the "bad" food in my house, but I have just started this weight loss thing, and I still have a lot of bad stuff to deal with. My husband ate the last of the pizza rolls yesterday- all 38 of them. I told you, potion control. A serving is 6- I ate six, then went and hid in my room with a can of Febreeze and a book until they were gone.

About the MFP posts. I am on myfitnesspal.com as FrauHausMaus (which is also another blog of mine). I will be cross-posting my My Fitness Pal (MFP) blogs on here. I'll also post additional stuff on here, because I have a blogging problem.

Why am I blogging (to the extreme)? Because it feels good to get it out. It helps me organize my thoughts. And, honestly, I think I am pretty funny sometimes, (and not a half-bad writer, either) and I would like to share my journey with other people who might be in the same boat as me.

I hate yoga (MFP)

Most people that know me know this about me. I know that it's wonderful, but yoga and I do not get along. For one thing, I can't touch my toes. I can barely touch my knees. When I was younger, I took a weightlifting class in college. We had to do a flexibity test (along with some others) to guage where we needed help and what our strengths were and whatnot. I don't know if anyone has ever seen the thing they test flexibility on, but you sit on the the groud with your legs straight in front of you, and you have to reach out and put your fingers on buttons. They are numbered from 1 (which comes about half way between your knees and ankles) to some impossible number, at about 1/2 inch increments.

I couldn't touch 1.

The teacher had to hold the button down for me. She laughed the whole time in disbelief. I can't sit with my legs straight out in front of me. It's incredibly painful. I have never met another person as stiff as I am.

Downward facing dog? You must be crazy. You want to hear me cuss? Put me in down dog one more effin time. Tell me what a relaxing pose this is as I choke back vomit.

I did a little yoga this morning- watched some yoga on demand thing on TV. The woman on there told me to do things with my body that just aren't possible. It was beginning yoga, which is about the best I can do. I probably need to take a class, with an instrcutor who can laugh at me as I sweat and shake- and fart. Yoga makes me fart- loud. and they can twist themselves into a downward facing dodecahedron and tell me to relax my ears.

My ears? Eureka! That's my whole problem! My ears are too tense! My knee is up my nose, I can't remember how to get my hand back to where it came from- and you want me to relax my ears.

5 days already?

Okay- today has been pretty awesome so far. Woke up to find that there was a Thundercats marathon on Cartoon Network- awesome! So I watched that while eating my breakfast. Went to the gym and found out that even though my contract says I can only go 10 times a month before I have to start paying 5$ per visit, it's not true. The girl at the desk said they really don't keep track, and I can go as often as I like. Sweetness!

So I did my workout, but wanted to keep going. I went to the White Deer Park (across the street from Lake Benson park in Garner) and did Week 1, Day 1 of my couch to 5K workout. I didn't think I'd make it, but I did, and it felt GREAT!!! Armed with the knowledge that I can hit the gym as often as I like and having a really great park for running just down the road, I am on my way to being a fat gym rat. Love it!

For those of you who are in the Garner/Raleigh/Clayton area and don't know about White Deer Park, lemme tell ya- It's got nice, wide paved paths, great for jogging, walking, or casual bike riding. Like a road course, but without all the worry about getting hit by cars! There is a funky smell in one area of the park, but it's totally avoidable. There's a plaque there describing what the smell is, but I didn't stop to read it. While I was there on my jog, I happened across a white tail deer grazing just off the running path. She must be pretty used to joggers, becuase I was only about eight feet away and she didn't pay me a bit of attention. There are some pretty brazen, judgemental squirrels there though. A few of them stopped and stared at me while I was running- jerks.

I feel good today- this morning- but I am a little manic and I don't know where this day will end up. I'm trying to stay positive though.

Yes... another post. (MFP)

I have diarreah of the brain, apparently.

A while back, probably a year ago, I was determined to run a 5K. Maybe it was two years ago ::shrug::... I've never been good with dates. Anyway, there is a couch to 5K training program that has podcasts you can listen to to tell you when to run and when to rest and all that jazz. I downloaded the first one to my mp3 player and TRIED to complete it this evening. I couldn't make it all the way through the 20 minute workout.

I went from not working out at all ever to working out every day. I guess I need to take a break, let my muscles rest. Well... my leg muscles anyway. I do plan to hit the gym tomorrow, but I'm gonna lay off the cardio and give my legs a little break. I need to work on my arms and my core.

Here are my concerns:

In the few days I have been trying to excercise and eat better, I have gained weight every day. I want to think it's water-weight, since I have gone from drinking very little fluid to lots and lots of water. My kidneys are slightly overloaded, and not sure what to do with themselves. This makes me want to throw up my hands and say "fuck it" (sorry dad). I know that the weight loss will come, and my husband keeps telling me not to weigh every day, that I'll drive myself crazy. I'm sure he's right, but that doesn't mean I'll listen. It's just hard to stay motivated when all I'm doing doesn't seem to actually be DOING anything.

With the insane amount of working out I plan to do: every single time I start on an excercise plan, I end up taking some kind of a break. I either get sick or tired and just want to take a day off- and a day turns to days, weeks, months, and back on the couch eating potato chips dipped in ranch dressing. I like how I feel when I work out. I love the way my muscles burn and ache the next day. The pain is so wholesome and cleansing. Let me clarify- I am not a masochist, cutter, or otherwise weirdo that gets pleasure from pain. I just enjoy the fruits of hard work. I love to sweat (but hate to be hot, isn't that weird?), I love to see things accomplished.

I doubt myself. I am working out hard enough? Long enough? Should I try a different diet plan? I love food, and the thought of calorie restriction makes me want to cry a little. When I put in my food diary stuff, it told me that if I keep going at the rate I'm going, I'd be down to 158 in 5 weeks or months- can't remember which, but it seemed like a long time without a lot of payoff. I'm not reading too much into the calorie counter though. I am sticking with WW, for now anyway, and I am going to see where this course of action takes me.

Hopefully the support of friends will keep me motivated. One can hope

Last night was... bad (MFP)

I have a weakness for Kraft mac and cheese. It's horrible- I gorged myself. I accounted for it, of course. 22 points for two cups of mac and cheese. Wow.

Then, feeling guilty about my over-indulgence of mac, I ate a bunch of chips and a Lean Pocket. So, in the matter of an evening, I have blown through almost all of my bonus points. I still have some left, but I'm only on day two of a seven day week. I feel like such an idiot. You see how quickly my motivation flees from me? I'm determined to do better today. I'm going to have to go to the gym tonight, even though I'm sore and tired and I really don't want to. I need to.

I am also craving sushi, which is weird. I rarely want to eat sushi. Once in a blue moon, I guess.

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Part two- again. I love blogging

Today has been... kinda good, kinda rough. Sent Jackson to grandma's for another week, and it's always tough to see him go. It also makes me really, really miss Patrick. I know he needs to spend time with other family members though, and I have him most of the time, so it's fair. It's still tough. Being away from the kids is going to be a challenge- I get really depressed and start grazing on things I don't need to eat.

Plus side- got my WW calculator today, so I am pleased about that. Not weight loss related- got my book out of my mother in law's car. I am on the fourth book of the Song of Ice and Fire series (HBO's Game of Thrones is based on these books) and I want to finish it so I can get to the next book. This will keep my brain occupied, at least. I also got to see Tracy today, which is always a good thing. I also picked up a new water bottle. I have a ton of nalgenes, which are great for hiking, but none of them fit into the tiny Japanese cupholders in my car, so I got a new one with a flip-top lid that fits my cupholders.

I ate at Wendy's today. That berry salad is so good. I did have fries, but I drank water with my meal. I have to allow little indulgences. Last night's little indulgence was too much, but I'll live- this won't be the end of me.

Gotta try Something Different (MFP)

OKay, yesterday was a GREAT day, don't get me wrong. My issue is, I was starving all day. Because I was starving, I ended up going over my points. Not by much, and even when I went over, the choices I made we're bad ones. I just don't want to go through every day with my stomach rumbling. I am going to have to go to the grocery store today. There's food here, but most of it's junk. When I last went shopping, I had not planned on eating better. Last time I went to the store, I was actually hungry and furious, so we have pizza rolls, chips, and other such crap- those hideous foods I eat when I feel bad. I need to go to the gym when I feel bad. I really enjoyed that yesterday.

In the middle of writing this blog, I joined Planet Fitness. I'm heading over there now to get in an intense workout. Wish me luck!

___________________

Okay, part two:

I just got back from the gym and from the grocery store. I had a great time at the gym, but it wasn't as great as yesterday, when I had Jess with me. It's nice to have someone to talk to. Even when we aren't talking, it's just good to know someone there. I'm sure I'll make friends. No more stationary bikes for me though... ugh! Despite my fatness, I have a very bony butt. I always have. The seats on the bikes feel like they are made out fo concrete, which doesn't help my arthritic hip or my bony rear end. I stuck it out for 15 out of 30 minutes, until my hip seized up. Got on a few machines- this is when it would have been nice to have Jess with me. She doesn't normally use them, but she could have helped me laugh at myself and eased my tension a little.

So then I went to the grocery store. I forgot my Weight Watchers books, so I was kind of flying blind. I got a lot of fresh fruits and veggies, and some of those steam packs. I also got hummus. It's only a point per serving, and I effing LOVE hummus. I got pita chips too, which isn't great, but I really like pita chips and I'm not trying to deny myself things I like.

One of the tough things for me about going to the grocery store is that, when I get home, I want to try everything. I'm not hungry (I had a WW ice cream bar on the way home from the store- it's hot as balls out there)- but all the CHOICES make me want to try everything. So far today, I'm doing okay. I'm not ravenously hungry yet, but I was when I ate breakfast, and I was when I ate the ice cream. I like that the WW book makes you document whether you are hungry or not when you eat. Before yesterday, eating was just eating. Boredom meant snack time. I know that's why I have gained so much weight, and I know I need to correct that behavior. I've got some better choices now, with lots of raw fruits and veggies to munch on. I also got some low-fat cheese sticks. I know I need to eat healthy dairy, but yogurt is absolutely out of the question. I can't get past the smell to figure out if I like the taste or not, so I eat cheese. It's good for me, right? I got the low fat stuff. Also picked up some "pinko commie turkey bacon" for breakfast.

I feel good. I see change on the horizon.

A Productive First Day (MFP)

Today was pretty great. It's 8pm and I have one point left on my Weight Watchers- which I plan to use on the salad dressing for the green salad I'm about to eat. I have had a lot of water today, and I don't hate it, as long as it's really cold.

I got two vendors signed up for my bridal show, which has nothing to do with weight loss, but it's nice to have something positive going on.

I went to the gym with my friend Jess today- Planet Fitness. All we did was cardio, but I am totally okay with that. They have pretty reasonable rates, so I might consider joining. It's nice to go with Jess, but as a guest, I can only go when she does, and mornings would work better for me. Now that I have worked out, I am full of energy- I'm sure that will wear off soon, but it feels good right now. I can see why people go to the gym when they're stressed. It feels good. In this heat, it's a million times better than going for a walk around the neighborhood, or even going to one of the awesome parks near here.

Once the temp isn't in the TRIPLE DIGITS, I might go to Clemmons or Legend park and do some major hiking- maybe I'll even be up to trail-running by then.

I know it's the first day and I am going to hit snags, but I feel so good right now, and I hope I can maintain this momentum. I am eager to hear how Gavin has done today. He took his points calculator with him, so I hope he is keeping track.

Jackson is making faces, so I better wrap this up. In short, I have had a great day, and I hope to have many more :)

The First Day of the Rest of my Life- From MyFitnessPal

Today is when it really begins. I have a lot to do today, and it's going to be 5 million degrees. I hate hot weather, and it is tough for me to get remotely motivated when all I really want to do is veg out and enjoy the air conditioning. I don't have the luxury of going to the gym, and I don't own exercise equipment, so I have to get creative. I have some friends down the road that have a treadmill, I might give them a call and see if I can go over and have a run on their machine. I am going out with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law today to look at venues for her vow renewal and potential vendors for my bridal expo. They are both on Weight Watchers, so I don't forsee a great deal of temptaition to eat badly. Those new berry salads from Wendy's are delicious, by the way. I am going to try to talk everyone into Wendy's for lunch ;-)

Right now, I admit, my beloved Molten Hot Wing Ruffles are calling my name, and I am not going to deny them forever. I just have to portion them out and be sensible about eating them, rather than cuddling up to the entire bag and chowing down.

I need to pick up a scale today. At this point, all my weight guesses are just best estimates. I'm usually pretty good about guessing my weight, but I need to get an exact measurement.

Well, I need to eat breakfast, so here goes nothing!

Day One- Copied from my MyFitnessPal blog

I caught a sidelong glimpse of myself today as I walked by a store window- and I was mortified. I carry ALL my weight in the middle. My arms have fattened up a little, but my legs are thin for my weight. So, I looked like I was about 7 months pregnant. I haven't been pregnant in 8 years. As I am writing this, I am chowing down on my beloved Molten Hot Wing Ruffles. I guess I am letting this be a bit of a last hurrah.

I am going on Weight Watchers- not paying for the plan and all that jazz, but I am going to use the points. I like the new points system, I don't feel as deprived.

Tomorrow is my official start day- and I know I can do this- I just have to stick to it.